What is Yoga and how is it helpful in daily family life?

Yoga means to yoke. To unite the mind, body and soul together, and create a sense of oneness between the self and the universe. This is done through practice of the eight pathways, or limbs, of yoga. These limbs include the Yamas and the Niyamas, or how to conduct oneself both externally and internally, Pranayama (breathwork) and Asana (movement), as well as Pratyahara (drawing inward of the senses), Dharana and Dhyana (concentration and meditation), and Samadhi (the one-pointed mind).

In the modern west the word Yoga usually conjures up the asana practice only. Asana is a wonderful tool to keep the body strong throughout parenthood and in life in general. However, using pranayama and meditation during early parenthood can be an invaluable way to energise and calm a tired mind. “At every level - physical, mental, emotional and spiritual - yoga provides practical support through some of the most demanding and rewarding periods of a woman’s life cycle.”, remarks Uma Dinsmore-Tuli. Breathing techniques such as Nadi-Shodhana and Golden Thread Breath can be “very stabilising and comforting during periods of volatile emotional swings.” This, in turn, can calm babies, as they witness and respond to their mother’s peaceful nature.

Women can often feel trapped, or “hoodwinked” by the realities of early motherhood, as Lucy Jones writes in her book Matrescence. “The closest I had ever been to death, to birth, to growth, to the co-conscious, to rapture, to rupture – was, according to the world around me, boring.” She comments. These feelings can arise from a sense of grief for the life we had before. Ruminating on the past or desperately clinging to ideas of a more autonomous future can exacerbate these feelings. With postnatal depression thought to affect between 6.5 and 20% of women within a year of giving birth, meditation and mindfulness techniques can be an accessible strategy to manage symptoms, and allow new mothers to find contentment in their new lives.

Alongside asana, pranayama and meditation, yogic philosophy directs the practitioner to work inwardly to achieve inner peace, rather than try to change the outside world. There are few times in life where this applies more strongly than in parenthood, where external peace and control is often abruptly disrupted by the needs of babies and children. “The entire world is based on your thoughts and mental attitude. The entire world is your own projection. Your values may change in a fraction of a second,” notes Sri Swami Satchidananda in his commentary of the Yoga Sutra’s of Patanjali. But how can a yogic mother achieve this inward calm amidst the chaos of family life? By living by the Yamas and the Niyamas, a code of conduct on how to behave, both externally and internally. Some of the more well-known Yamas include Ahimsa (non-violence) and Satya (truthfulness), which can be applied to ourselves, as well as to our children and our partners. Negative self-talk is very common in early motherhood, and being kind and honest to yourself internally as well as externally is crucial to establishing a healthy outlook. While it goes without saying that Ahimsa and Satya should always be used when interacting with one’s children, it is also important to consider these values when managing partner relationships. Yogic philosophy teaches the practice of Maitri, or friendliness, by cultivating the feeling of ‘oneness’ (Atmiyata) with those around us. With our children, often Atmiyata comes naturally along with intense happiness and pride at observing them grow and explore the world around them. But it is harder to summon these feelings towards our partner, particularly when we are feeling resentful or trapped in motherhood. It is easy when we are the primary caregiver to imagine our partner has it ‘easy,’ and become jealous of their role in the household and their ability to leave and ‘be an adult’ in their workplace. Along with Maitri and Atmiyata, Patanjali also offers the concept of Upeksa, or the ‘searching self-examination to find out how one would have behaved when faced with the same temptations.’ It is the ability to put ourselves into our partner’s shoes, see that perhaps they are also struggling in their own way, and respond with Ahimsa and Maitri, rather than resentment.

Finally, yoga can provide a feeling of solace for the yogi mother, a place to tuck herself away when everything becomes overwhelming. She can roll her mat out for five minutes after the children have gone to bed, take a few moments to focus on her breath at the start of the day, or repeat a mantra or affirmation when she is feeling anxious. She can bond with her babies and children through the practice of yoga, or she can use the myriad of tools it teaches to hold space for herself. In an increasingly secular world, with religion becoming less common within households, having that spiritual connection to her mind and body is paramount. Uma Dinsmore-Tuli sums this up beautifully with her comment: “through this intuitive wisdom comes a profound connection with the joyous pulse that powers the universe, and this can help women to encounter the adventure of mothering in a spirit of acceptance and joy.”

References:

Yoga for Pregnancy and Birth, Uma Dinsmore-Tuli

Matrescence: On the Metamorphosis of Pregnancy, Childbirth and Motherhood, Lucy Jones

The effects of yoga-based interventions on postnatal mental health and well-being: A systematic review: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10845905/

The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, Translation and Commentary by Sri Swami Satchidananda.

Light On Yoga, BKS Iyengar